i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
