I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
