in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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