...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
