Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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