apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
