Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
