fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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