Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
