nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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