Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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