areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
