Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
