i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
