TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
