I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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