Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
