its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
