It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My vagina is very pro this idea
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
