I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
