I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The power of my boobs compel you
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
