When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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