my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
