do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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