i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
