if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
