ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
