he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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