I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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