you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
