ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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