god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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