She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
