Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
i believe in u and ur pee
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
