I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
