I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
