the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
