Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
