You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
