i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just found puke in my bra..
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
