Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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