I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
