Quick, to the slutcave!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
