she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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