i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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