one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
