Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
