Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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