i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
