When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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