Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
